Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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