I think i peed on brittanys purse
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
