a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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