I could make wine with my vomit
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
