Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
