I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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