They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
