You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
