why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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