I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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