There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
