i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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