What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
