guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
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