Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
