Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
