dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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