I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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