so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
