I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I have already put on my inside pants.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
