Apparently you make a good broom.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
