I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
