Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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