chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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