I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
