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My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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