That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
