You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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