you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
