Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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