umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
