It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
