I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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