I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
