when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
