I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
