this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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