woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
