I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
