Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
