Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I am naked and annoyed.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
