Where is the hickey?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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