Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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