Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
