this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
