If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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