You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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