My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
