dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
