Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She's JV to your varsity
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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