So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
