No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
