I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
